You can spend all your time analysing a dance. Or you can dance.

1 Oct

Diagnosis of a rainy day: I have a love-hate relationship with my brain.

I was reading We Need To Talk About Kevin and started thinking about appearences.

Why is it that I sometimes wish so hard that people would like me and then, when it seems that someone who has been nasty to me might actually like me, I spend time worrying whether it’s all pretence. Instead I should focus on whether it’s not. Or better, focus on the fact that there is people in my life I know are true and genuine and special.

Maybe the problem is that I want to like everyone. I’m a believer in good and in altruism, and it is scary to think that somebody’s opinion didn’t matter in the end. That I’ve wasted time worrying about a thing that didn’t matter anyway. Or that, indeed, something didn’t matter, wouldn’t that mean that I don’t like everyone after all? But I don’t want to be hypocritical. I do genuinely believe that everyone is equally important in this world, people just don’t have the capacity to find everyone important at the same time, which is sad.

Now I’m worrying about worrying, how paradoxal. Isn’t that the ultimate zeitgeist of a waste of time? Or does it make me wiser? Does it have to have a function and purpose anyway to make it worthy; can’t an emotion be worthy in itself, because it exists? I love to think everything happens for a reason, but maybe I should realise that even if something is coincidence, it doesn’t make everything a coincidence. It doesn’t make life a coincidence. Even if everything doesn’t have a purpose, it doesn’t make your life purposeless .

I’ve often been told that I think too much. But if I didn’t think and analyse, this blog probably wouldn’t exist. I might not love writing and other things I love dearly, and then that would make my life much gloomier than worrying does. Then again, worrying does complicate things in vain sometimes and I know over-analysing can also be my flaw. But I also know it’s not a one of Shakespearean proportion. I don’t let it stop me from doing things.

Because you can spend all your time analysing a dance. Or you can dance.

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